Introduction
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:29-32 ESV
Here, the Apostle Paul says we are to be “tenderhearted,”¹ meaning we are to keep our hearts soft toward one another. The kindness we are to exercise toward one another means we are to be ready and quick to forgive to the level God has forgiven us in Christ Jesus. If we struggle to forgive someone, it reveals how little we understand about being forgiven. If we truly recognize how much we have been forgiven, then we would be ready to forgive completely.
The forgiveness we are EXPECTED to give is the level we have received in Christ Jesus.
Forgiveness
At the root of the word “to forgive”² is the idea of “handing something off” or “giving something away to another.” When we choose to forgive someone for something they’ve done to us, we are, in essence, handing off the offense to someone else to deal with to. And to whom are we giving it? The Lord.
To forgive is to hand something off to another; to give without requiring payment or penalty.
Forgiveness is giving something away freely, without payment or penalty. When we forgive someone, we are giving them freedom from our punishment. We cannot control what God does or any natural consequences to certain actions (like jail time, for instance), but we will no longer require anything of them. What this means is that if we say we forgive someone, we cannot ask them to continuously atone for the same sin over and over again. Forgiving someone means allowing the debt they owe you to go without payment.
When we forgive someone, we are giving them freedom from payment or our punishment.
Examples
The prominence of forgiveness in Jesus’ teaching and ministry speaks to how important this issue is to him. One sermon is not the space to cover the depths of this important matter to the kingdom of God and being Jesus’ disciple. However, we can look at examples to see why forgiveness is so important and what the consequences are for unforgiveness.
Matthew 18:21-35 — The Unforgiving Servant
21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone[a] who sins against me? Seven times?”
22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven![b]
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.[c] 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.[d] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters[e] from your heart.” – Matthew 18:21–35 NLT
In this story, Jesus reveals the connection between how much we have been forgiven and how much we are to extend that forgiveness to others. He also reveals the absurdity of not forgiving others. When we choose to not forgive others, we are thrown into a prison and tortured.
The forgiveness we are EXPECTED to give is the level we have received in Christ Jesus.
We are EXPECTED to forgive because God has forgiven us. We are ABLE to love because God first loved us.³ We are REQUIRED to forgive because we’ve been forgiven. We do not have the capacity to love until we’ve experienced it. With forgiveness, once we’ve experienced it, we have no grounds to ever withhold it from someone else.
If we have received forgiveness, we have no grounds to withhold it.
Unforgiveness becomes like a prison we put ourselves in, and in that prison, we are the ones being tortured. It’s like a poison we drink trying to hurt the other person, when it only hurts us. Unforgiveness becomes like a cancer deteriorating our inner-selves, all the whole hoping our enemies get the punishment.
Unforgiveness: Hell on Earth
If you want to live hell on earth, let unforgiveness (offense, anger, bitterness, hate, malice, resentment) take over your life and consume your soul. The decisions you are making now, including the decision to forgive, are affecting the condition of your soul and your life. The condition of your soul is setting a trajectory for your life. That trajectory will continue on into eternity.
The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis – is a parable of Heaven and Hell and the nature of the kinds of people who end up in either place. If you struggle with the tension between a God of love and the existence of Hell, read this book.
Lewis imagines Hell to be a grey, dreary, rainy town where people get what they want just by imagining it. However, they are consistently unable to get along with one another, so they move further and further apart until there are millions of miles separating everyone. A ghost from Hell is visiting Heaven on a bus trip and asks a Spirit of Heaven why people go to Hell.
“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, ‘Thy will be done.’ All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell.”⁴ — C.S. Lewis
There will be many self-righteous, religions people who will cling to their definition of justice and smugly spurn God’s justice and they, like the self-righteous older brother, will refuse to go in. And there will be many social justice culture warriors who would rather live their own definition of love and see everyone who doesn’t agree with them punished than to repent and be reconciled to God’s love. But it will be everyone’s choice.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap is carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”⁵ — C.S. Lewis
We are judged more by our sins than for our sins.
13 For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. – James 2:13 ESV
13 For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; but [to the one who has shown mercy] mercy triumphs [victoriously] over judgment. – James 2:13 AMP
Conclusion
32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32 ESV
The strength of our relationships get deepened when we remain committed to keeping a soft heart toward one another by keeping a commitment to forgive. Our forgiveness of one another reveals how much we recognize the forgiveness that has been extended to us in Christ Jesus.
The greatest testament of strength of soul and relationship is not in harboring bitterness (hate, resentment, offense), but in trusting God and extending forgiveness.
“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.” — Corrie ten Boom
If you have been feeling burdened, or heavy, or finding yourself easily angered or confused, it could be there is lingering unforgiveness you have harbored. When we harbor unforgiveness, nursing it and rehearsing it, we open ourselves up to torture from the enemy.
¹ εὔσπλαγχνος eusplanchnos compassionate
² χαρίζομαι (charizomai). vb. give, forgive; refers to giving something to someone, often in a manner such that no reciprocation is expected. In the New Testament, the action of charizomai applies to generous action by one party on another’s behalf (Luke 7:21; Romans 8:32; Galatians 3:18; Philippians 1:29; Philemon 1:22). Where the object of charizomai is a debt, sinner, or sin, the sense is that of forgiveness (Luke 7:42–43; 2 Corinthians 2:5–11; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 2:13).
³ 1 John 4:19
⁴ C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce, pg. 75 (from the character, George MacDonald)
⁵ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1960), 154