Introduction
Revelation 2:1–4 (NKJV)1 “To the angel of the church of Ephesus write, ‘These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands: 2 “I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; 3 and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. 4 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.
Despite this church’s many admirable qualities, the Ephesian church was “flawed at the center.” Their affection and intimacy with the Lord and love for one another had faded into the background and had been replaced with duty and perseverance.
Their affection and intimacy had been replaced with duty and perseverance.
Keep in mind that this church was not guilty of idolatry or some grave immorality. They were more guilty of slaving for God than sinning against Him, of ritual than rebellion. If this is the case in a good church toward God, how much more likely is this temptation in our marriages?
Revelation 2:4 (NLT)4 “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!
This may be an indictment of our marriages. What once was the passionate fire of newlywed bliss has now become the embers of cohabiting roommates. Where you once had long talks and long walks, getting lost in conversation and in each others’ eyes, you now have silent ships passing in the night or passive-aggressive quips and sarcastic comebacks. It might not be adultery, but it may be boredom, monotony, and routine. Maybe hardship, suffering, unmet expectations, or the long, slow drift of hardening our hearts in hurt feelings, unforgiveness, silent suffering, or immature outbursts of raw emotions.
Our affection and intimacy in marriage often get replaced with duty and perseverance.
How can we rekindle the love we had at first?
Rekindle Your First Love
There is no amount of love in our marriage that does not first come from a love for God being nurtured. That’s the root of all long-lasting, sustained love—it is nurtured by a love for God and a revelation of His love for us.
Mark 12:29–31 (ESV)29 Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Our spouse should be the first person who receives the overflow of our love for God.
Your love for your spouse will never outpace your love for God and your revelation of His love for you.
Lamentations 3:22–23 (ESV)22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Revelation 2:5 (NKJV)5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.
- Remember — Repent — Re-do
- Remember — Repent — Re-do
Matthew 19:3–6 (NLT)3 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 4 “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ 5 And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ 6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
Marriage is rooted in creation (not just covenant). “God made them…” Remember that he made our differences in order for us to be a complement to one another, not to frustrate us.
Remember that God made us for each other.
Remember that you are “glued” together.
Remember that you are more together than apart.
Remember that marriage is a Divine Ordinance sealed by God.
God seals the covenant; marriage is not just a contract. God has joined you together. Our discipleship to Jesus is about maturing us toward God’s ideals, not burdening us with impossible duties.
- Remember — Repent — Re-do
Ephesians 5:25–32 (ESV)25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Marriage is intended to be the greatest gospel message on earth. The cross should be the image that shapes our marriages, not our Instagram feeds. We should be more drawn to the depth of God’s forgiveness revealed in the outstretched arms of Christ upon the cross than we are drawn to the curated and unrealistic ideal of Instagram influencers.
We must repent of our selfishness and lack of love in our marriage. Repent means to change, to turn around, and to go the other way. We are going the wrong way when we drift apart from love.
Revelation 2:5 (NKJV)5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.
I don’t think Jesus is splitting up marriages. I do believe he is closing churches. Jesus has a very high view of marriage and does not advocate for divorce (except in extreme cases). But our witness of Jesus (light of the lampstand) fades when we drift from our first love.
- Remember — Repent — Re-do
Ephesians 5:25–30 (ESV)25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
Restore the priority of your spouse.
Restore sacrificial service toward your spouse.
Restore attention and communication with your spouse.
Restore acceptance and affection with your spouse.
Conclusion
Revelation 2:7 (NKJV) 7 “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.”
Darrell W. Johnson, Discipleship on the Edge: An Expository Journey Through the Book of Revelation (Vancouver: Regent College Publishing, 2004), p. 54.
This is a theme in the Old Testament, where God is said to be Israel’s “husband,” and yet Israel committed adultery (idolatry) by pursuing other gods of the surrounding nations, violating their covenant relationship with YHWH, which spiraled into all sorts of grave sins. See: Jeremiah 2:2-13; Hosea 2:14-23; Ezekiel 16:8-32; and Isaiah 1:11-20, 29:13. See also Paul’s similar words to the Corinthian Church: 2 Corinthians 11:2-3.
There is a connection between the word “joined” and a kind of adhesive. It also can have a synonymous meaning with the word “yoked,” meaning being “yoked together.” This implies marriage is a joint effort being united for work. There is a purpose in our marriage. It compounds when you connect this with Jesus’ invitation to “take my yoke upon you” (Matthew 11:28-20), where we join the work of Jesus together.
“In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to His glory, and calls into His kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. As you first gave the ring to one another and have now received it a second time from the hand of the pastor, so love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of marriage above the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.” ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison, ed. Eberhard Bethge (New York: Touchstone, 1997), p. 41.